Centerfold II

Those soft and fuzzy sweaters
Too magical to touch
Too see her in that negligee
Is really just too much

It's okay I understand
This ain't no never-never land
I hope that when this issue's gone
I'll see you when your clothes are on

A part of me has just been ripped
The pages from my mind are stripped
Oh no, I can't deny it
Oh yea, I guess I gotta buy it!

Albus Dumbledore was sitting at the head table drinking his tea when a thin package landed in front of him. He quirked an eyebrow and examined the writing on the front without touching it.

Severus Snape noticed all this.

It was unusual for things to come to the Headmaster during breakfast. They usually went to his office. Severus noticed the Headmaster didn’t touch the package. Snape felt his spine stiffen. The Headmaster glanced in his direction for a fraction of a second. Severus interpreted it as a summons.

Not really, but it was a plausible excuse.

Snape rose and went to Dumbledore’s side.

“It’s from Harry,” Dumbledore said as he sipped his tea. Flitwick and McGonagall were vaguely interested as well.

“Something important?” Snape asked.

“Well, I don’t know, Severus,” Dumbledore said. “Clairvoyance has never been a gift of mine.”

The headmaster waved and the package unwrapped itself. Then he spurted tea out his nose. The other three teachers gasped in unison.

It glowed slightly in a greenish haze as the age activated shield spell let them see the cover of the magazine. A muggle men’s magazine titled Lovely Ladies.

Former Gryffindor Hermione Granger gave a smoldering look from the center of the cover. Other women lounged about on the large bed with her. They weren’t wearing much at all. Mostly feathers and spangles.

“Good heavens!” Flitwick spluttered.

McGonagall made a few gasping sounds before she closed her eyes and began counting.

The Headmaster himself just blinked in astonishment. And coughed a lot.

Severus Snape burst out laughing.

This, of course, caused the entire student body to turn towards the staff table and stare.

Dumbledore slammed the magazine onto the table in front of him and tried to look normal. He was still choking.

Perhaps he could have pulled it off if he had cleared his plate away first.

Perhaps he could have pulled it off if McGonagall hadn’t tried to cover it up with her hands, smashing it into the remainder of his syrup covered plate, splashing it into his long white beard.

Flitwick let out a small squeak of terror and nearly flung himself over the plate.

“Good lord,” Snape said, ripping the magazine from the table and spelling it clean. “It’s spelled. Obviously you aren’t mature enough to handle this sort of thing.”

McGonagall gave him a withering look as she pounded the Headmaster on the back.

“I’ll put it in your office, sir,” Snape said as he tucked it into his robes. “This is highly inappropriate at the breakfast table. Apparently Potter has the same judgment he always displayed.”

He threw a look at the students and they immediately started looking anywhere besides the head table. It was good to master The Glare.

He stalked from the hall, but instead of going to the Headmasters office he turned left and proceeded down to the dungeons. He hoped no one would catch him with a smirk on his face. He couldn’t seem to stop it.

He reached his office and uttered the password under his breath. He ripped the magazine out of his robes and flipped it to the centerfold.

“Infuriating little witch,” Snape breathed. “What a waste of talent.”

He spread the picture out on his desk and went over to a small locked cabinet. He fumbled for a bit before pulling a small silver key out of his robes and the lock clicked open.

He walked back to the desk with a small pink bottle. He pulled the stopper out and a large bushy brush came out of the small bottle, covered with a light pink powder.

You could turn a regular picture to a Wizarding picture even if you forget to develop it in a special potion. The process was complicated of course, but Severus used it as a Seventh Year test a few years ago.

He had a single bottle left.

Carefully he brushed it over the picture.

The picture Hermione blinked as if she was waking up. She stretched prettily and grinned at her old potions teacher. Then she turned and waggled her buttocks at him.

“Cheeky!” Snape exclaimed at the picture. She turned back and blew him a kiss. To his embarrassment, he began turning red. He chuckled. “Good lord.”

He read the small interview, shaking his head at small embellishments in her education. At least she had been able to master a rather complicated youth potion, from the looks of it. At least he had done his job.

He wondered what she got out of disrobing in such a display. Money perhaps. Perhaps she was finally breaking out of her bookworm phase.

Not everyone was lucky enough to have potions enabling them to relive their youth. Snape caught a glimpse of himself in the small mirror he kept near the door to his classroom.

Time had worn on him a bit.

His raven hair was now white. He didn’t remember his nose being quite that droopy when he was a lad. The circles under his eyes had developed into bags. Freckles were starting to wind across his forehead and he noticed his hands were quite speckled.

A youth potion wouldn’t hurt him, either.

Maybe a charm or two as well.

He turned back to the magazine. She was smirking coyly. Then she snaked a hand between her own legs.

Severus felt a twitch in his trousers. He was vaguely annoyed. No matter how old she was, she was still a student.

Sort of.

Not really.

He waved his wand and magically locked the door to his office.

She certainly seemed to be enjoying herself.

He was certainly enjoying it.

To his horror, he found himself fiddling with the fastenings on his trousers.

Really! He hadn’t done that sort of thing since he was a lad. He was above that sort of thing now. It was undignified.

He noticed Hermione had started without him. Her nipples tightened and the corners of her mouth seemed strained.

She certainly didn’t waste any time.

‘Here’s to youth,’ Snape thought grimly as he ripped his trousers as he freed his erection. He hadn’t done that since he was a lad, either.

A sharp rap at his door stopped him. He waved his wand and did his trousers up. He swore as he mended the scene.

He watched as Hermione’s back arched on the page.

Goodness, that was fast. Perhaps she had been occupied with work in the recent months and had been too tired. Perhaps she had a bad break up.

Perhaps she was a wanton little wench in need of a-

The knocking repeated itself. Snape snarled.

He went to his door and flung it open.


McGonagall stood there, one eyebrow quirked and a hand out expectantly. Her lips were pursed disapprovingly.

He snarled at her and the magazine slapped into her hand.

“Really, Severus.”

He slammed the door in her face.

She shook her head as she walked to the headmaster’s office.